2018. My eyes have finally been opened to what has been waiting for me the entire time...
Let me begin by first and foremost apologizing to the universe for taking so terribly long to bring my head above the waves of life and decide to float gently with the tide, instead of fighting against the current as I so strongly have been.
Second of all, I want to thank the universe for all that it has given me during the past eleven months. Although I wish I had been awakened from my stubborn, hazy self-induced pit of frustration sooner, I now know that sometimes our journey is about learning how to let go of the need for control, and embrace that life's paths are never set in stone, but are constantly growing, changing, and molding as we attempt to gracefully walk down them in hopes of conquering all that awaits us along the way.
For most of this year however, I sought to control and predict and manipulate my path. I thought I held that power, but (shaking my head at myself now as I write this) wow have I learned that I sure as heck do not. None of us do, truly. We might think that in some capacity we have the ability to plan out the details of our journey, but when it comes down to it no amount of planning or scheduling will ever change the fact that life is constantly bending in every direction and depending on us to continuously be flexible.
Gasp! Did I really just say that?
Flexibility! And no I don't mean the downward-dogging style of flexibility either, because if I did, everything would have flowed (yoga pun!) in these past few months much smoother.
I mean the type of flexibility where you schedule seventeen plans in one day that (somehow) don't overlap with one another. Plans that are just the maximum amount of miles apart in distance so that you can manage to wake up and make coffee and maybe even brush your teeth (but you highlighted maybe) and still drive and make it to every appointment (or lunch date or spin class) that you had written down on time. Plus in between lunch and spin you clocked in a six hour work day (I don't know how it fits in there, you're the one who wrote it down duh stay with me here) BUT....... you suddenly get a phone call from your dentist and they have to cancel your appointment. THEN (uh oh) your mom needs you to pick up artichokes from the grocery store "right now!" AND (oh boy) what do you know, you also totally forgot your gym clothes so you can't even make it to your spin class and now....... your "perfectly" scheduled, listed out day that you had so pristinely jotted down with cute little purple bullets in your agenda is so scribbled over and crossed with giant "x" marks that you want to pull your hair out........
But remember, you're being flexible! So, instead of resuming your very familiar spot in the fetal position biting your nails thinking "my plans have been ruined and my day is an utter and complete failure how will I make it out of this chaos and see the sun rise tomorrow", you shake it all off! You smile, are grateful for what you have accomplished (big or small!) and know that you are riding the oh-so generous waves of life and move forward bouncing around with more joy than a daisy in an ever-glowing ray of eternal sunshine.
You grow with the changing tides.
The job you thought you were supposed to have. The place you thought you were supposed to be. Small or large scale plans... Forget them. If they change, it doesn't mean you've failed. It doesn't mean you give up. It means you learn to let the changes shape you, your thoughts, and how you move forward.
Flexibility. Something I struggled with (what gave you the hint?!) and am still learning how to handle in all of its glorious shapes and sizes. It's certainly not easy. However, accepting that life and the paths it has in store for us are always changing, even when we might not necessarily want them to, we can indeed become more flexible. When we decide to see opportunity instead of chaos, when we wake up and open our eyes to the realization that the plans we make are in no way able to control the experiences we have along our path (even when they might seem like obstacles, they are meant to be there), when we embrace the unknown and the sudden changes that each and every day brings forth, this is when we truly become flexible. And when we are flexible, we are free.
I finally feel the tension between my shoulder blades loosen as I float on the final waves of my journey in 2018, embracing the word flexible for more than just my skills as a yogi. I've come to realize, that there was no need for me to be so resistant of my changing tides in the first place.
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